Ask an Expert
|
|
MARCH 2026 TOPIC: Navigating Difficult Professional Conversations
Marisa Moeller, Ph.D.
Owner of The Alternative Therapists Partnership, Inc. |
OUR EXPERT:
Marisa Moeller, Ph.D., is the owner of The Alternative Therapists Partnership, Inc. which offers a number of specialized holistic healing modalities. Marisa holds master’s degrees in English and psychology and a Ph.D. in psychology. She is a Reiki Master and holistic health therapist and is certified in several areas, including creative and expressive arts therapy, clinical hypnotherapy, and professional and life coaching. Marisa is the host of Radiant Living: Inspiring Humanity to Thrive, a powerful and inspiring network where those who've faced great adversity in their lives, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, explain how they have triumphed over it all with the right tools, creative outlets, and proper support. Readers will also be delighted by her insightful blog, "Reflections and Ruminations." Marisa is also very involved in her community. For many years, she volunteered as a Girl Scout leader and as a regular volunteer for Barrett Art Center in Poughkeepsie, New York. She loves to read and collect antiques. She resides in Amenia, New York, with her husband and daughter. |
|
“How do you approach someone who has worked for you for several years with no problems, but has more recently been slacking off at work? I’m not aware of a family emergency or other serious issue with this person. I used to think she was irreplaceable, but now I’m thinking I might need to hire someone else.” ~ Kayla (SC)
Hi Kayla, The question you ask is one that often poses a conundrum for those in charge. When someone who has been reliable for years begins to slip, it is only natural to ask why. So, the first and most important response here should be one of curiosity rather than conclusion. Before making plans to replace someone, it is always best to initiate a private, respectful conversation rooted in observation, not accusation. Gently name what you’re noticing: 'I’ve seen some changes in follow-through and engagement lately, and that feels very different from the standard you’ve consistently held. I wanted to check in.' This honors the relationship while opening space for honesty. Not all struggles look like emergencies or catastrophes. Burnout, quiet disengagement, feeling unrecognized, or personal transitions often remain invisible until work begins to suffer. A thoughtful conversation allows the person to share what’s happening or to recalibrate if awareness has been lacking. Listen closely. Ask open-ended questions. Let the conversation unfold without rushing to fix or judge. |
|
|
"Compassion and accountability can coexist. You can acknowledge past contributions while clearly naming current expectations and what support or changes may be needed. If improvement timelines are necessary, be transparent and fair." ~ M.M. |
From there, clarity matters. Compassion and accountability can coexist. You can acknowledge past contributions while clearly naming current expectations and what support or changes may be needed. If improvement timelines are necessary, be transparent and fair.
Only after this kind of honest dialogue should the idea of replacement come into focus. Avoiding the conversation risks carrying unresolved tension into the future — whether with this employee or the next. Leadership asks us to address change early and humanely. Sometimes people reengage when they feel seen. Sometimes the conversation reveals a natural ending. Either way, clarity is an act of respect for everyone involved. |
“I work with someone who is constantly taking credit for things I either thought up myself or helped with. She is not a direct superior, but she manages another department. I am hoping for a raise, but if I mention the things she took the credit for, I’m not sure how that is going to go over.” ~ Anonymous (NJ)
|
Now, this question hits home for many people in the workforce. When someone takes credit for work you’ve done, or work you’ve contributed to, it can quietly erode confidence and create uncertainty about how your efforts are truly seen. The focus needs to be shifted here.
Beginning a plan of action with confrontation rarely works, though. The key here is to start by tending to your own visibility. Look for calm, natural ways to attach your name to your work — through follow-up notes, shared updates, or conversations that reflect on what you’ve helped shape. Information put down in writing is the safest, most secure way to record your contributions. This isn’t about self-promotion; it’s about allowing your contributions to be accurately understood. If you’re seeking a raise, keep the focus on your growth and the value you bring. Speak to your ideas, your involvement, and the outcomes you’ve supported without referencing anyone else’s behavior or pointing the finger of accusation elsewhere. Let your work tell its own story.
If the pattern continues and begins to affect your sense of fairness or recognition, a gentle, professional conversation may be appropriate. Naming the desire for clarity rather than blame can open understanding: 'I want to make sure my contributions are visible and clearly communicated.' You deserve to be seen without having to fight for it. Your contributions and your work need to be recognized for what they are. Approaching this with steadiness and self-respect supports both your confidence and your long-term professional path. |
"Recognition is not a scarce resource. You can't use it up or run out of it."
~ Susan M. Heathfield, HR and management consultant |
“I think I deserve a promotion, but I have never felt comfortable with my supervisor. I don’t know why, but I feel like she doesn’t really ‘like’ me. It’s a personality thing, I think. Other people think I’m doing a great job. Any tips on how to approach her since things aren’t comfortable between us?” ~ Anonymous (NY)
When discomfort exists with a supervisor, it’s easy to let imagined judgments become a reason to stay silent. But promotions aren’t granted on comfort alone — they’re granted on clarity. They are granted on merit.
Rather than focusing on whether you’re liked, anchor yourself in what can be named and demonstrated. Prepare by getting clear about your contributions, your growth, and the ways your work supports the larger goals of the organization. Let your performance, not the personality dynamic, lead the conversation.
When discomfort exists with a supervisor, it’s easy to let imagined judgments become a reason to stay silent. But promotions aren’t granted on comfort alone — they’re granted on clarity. They are granted on merit.
Rather than focusing on whether you’re liked, anchor yourself in what can be named and demonstrated. Prepare by getting clear about your contributions, your growth, and the ways your work supports the larger goals of the organization. Let your performance, not the personality dynamic, lead the conversation.
|
"It’s also helpful to remember that unease doesn’t always mean disapproval. Different communication styles, leadership approaches, or internal pressures can create distance that have little to do with you." ~ M.M. |
When you approach your supervisor, keep the tone grounded and professional. You don’t need to address the discomfort directly. Instead, frame the discussion around curiosity and development: 'I’d appreciate your feedback on my performance and your perspective on what growth or next steps might look like.' This invites dialogue without pressure or defensiveness.
It’s also helpful to remember that unease doesn’t always mean disapproval. Different communication styles, leadership approaches, or internal pressures can create distance that have little to do with you. Avoid filling in the gaps with self-doubt. Avoid self-sabotage. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Most importantly, avoid Doomsday predictions! |
Approaching the conversation with steadiness rather than reassurance-seeking allows you to advocate for yourself without needing emotional validation. You’re not asking to be liked — you’re asking to be accurately seen. You’re asking to be judged on your merits.
Even if the answer isn’t immediate, the act of speaking up reclaims your agency. Growth often begins not when comfort arrives, but when clarity does.
Even if the answer isn’t immediate, the act of speaking up reclaims your agency. Growth often begins not when comfort arrives, but when clarity does.
