Author Examines Adult Recall of Childhood Abuse
While Sharing Her Personal Story
Q&A with Author Lynn Crook
Photo Courtesy: Lynn Crook
The following Q&A with Lynn Crook is based on her research and personal experience. Readers can find an excerpt from Lynn's book False Memories in this month's issue.
Concerning the abuse you experienced as a child: In retrospect, do you feel it’s better to have remembered details of your childhood trauma as an adult, rather than reliving them repeatedly as a child?
As a kindergarten student, I suggested in a drawing that my father was molesting me. The drawing wasn’t put on the bulletin board like the others. I wondered why. When my parents learned of this, they kept me at home for the rest of the school year. My father, a physician, silenced me by teaching me to say “Forget it” to myself when I thought about “It.” I didn’t recall the abuse for another 40 years.
Would it have been better to remember? Probably not. I know that I didn’t like thinking about the “bad stuff” as a child. I knew that my mother knew what my father was doing. If I could have told someone what he did to me as a child, it would have helped – even if they did nothing to stop it. Having someone else know would have made me feel less alone in the world. I did not know that what he did was wrong. I just knew I didn’t like it.
As a kindergarten student, I suggested in a drawing that my father was molesting me. The drawing wasn’t put on the bulletin board like the others. I wondered why. When my parents learned of this, they kept me at home for the rest of the school year. My father, a physician, silenced me by teaching me to say “Forget it” to myself when I thought about “It.” I didn’t recall the abuse for another 40 years.
Would it have been better to remember? Probably not. I know that I didn’t like thinking about the “bad stuff” as a child. I knew that my mother knew what my father was doing. If I could have told someone what he did to me as a child, it would have helped – even if they did nothing to stop it. Having someone else know would have made me feel less alone in the world. I did not know that what he did was wrong. I just knew I didn’t like it.
What are your thoughts on children repressing trauma/abuse? Do you personally feel this is a typical coping mechanism that children use to protect themselves from experiencing the trauma over and over?
There is so little that children can do to stop the abuse. For me, repression worked as a child. The thought of having to recall the abuse would have been traumatizing! If that is what repression stopped, I am grateful. I’ve long believed that I recalled the abuse at a time that was right for me.
There is so little that children can do to stop the abuse. For me, repression worked as a child. The thought of having to recall the abuse would have been traumatizing! If that is what repression stopped, I am grateful. I’ve long believed that I recalled the abuse at a time that was right for me.
Based on your research, what is the main reason the following narrative became universally accepted: Psychologists coach patients who are presumed victims of child abuse to remember specific details of abuse – that it is not possible for these types of details to surface years later.
Let’s return to 1991. Twenty-two states allowed accused parents to be sued for damages based on child sex abuse charges. The cases were going public. The defendants had nothing to say except to gaslight their accuser. Parents needed a defense that would stand up in court, something the media would accept. Psychologist Elizabeth Loftus chose “implanted by therapists” for them. As evidence, she said her student had convinced his younger brother that he was present at the time when the younger brother became lost at the University City Mall in Spokane. Loftus pitched this “lost” story to the media. She could do this because reporters don’t challenge PhDs – they’re considered experts – they aren’t fact-checked. By 1995, 300 lost-in-a-mall stories had appeared in the popular press. The public was led to believe that there was no way to know whether details of sexual abuse from long ago are accurate. The public responded to sex abuse disclosures with “I read about false memories like yours.” Disclosures stopped.
“They’re false memories” began to change in 2020 when Elizabeth Loftus was under cross-examination in NY v. Harvey Weinstein. She conceded that while people may forget the peripheral details, the core details will be accurate. Hopefully, interviewers will ask her about core memories.
Let’s return to 1991. Twenty-two states allowed accused parents to be sued for damages based on child sex abuse charges. The cases were going public. The defendants had nothing to say except to gaslight their accuser. Parents needed a defense that would stand up in court, something the media would accept. Psychologist Elizabeth Loftus chose “implanted by therapists” for them. As evidence, she said her student had convinced his younger brother that he was present at the time when the younger brother became lost at the University City Mall in Spokane. Loftus pitched this “lost” story to the media. She could do this because reporters don’t challenge PhDs – they’re considered experts – they aren’t fact-checked. By 1995, 300 lost-in-a-mall stories had appeared in the popular press. The public was led to believe that there was no way to know whether details of sexual abuse from long ago are accurate. The public responded to sex abuse disclosures with “I read about false memories like yours.” Disclosures stopped.
“They’re false memories” began to change in 2020 when Elizabeth Loftus was under cross-examination in NY v. Harvey Weinstein. She conceded that while people may forget the peripheral details, the core details will be accurate. Hopefully, interviewers will ask her about core memories.
Based on your personal experience and vast research, do you believe most abusers are good ‘actors’ and can portray themselves as upstanding citizens to the public/courts?
Most abusers are good ‘actors.’ They have to be. They must convince the child to participate without reporting the abuse to an adult. They must convince those who know the child that they mean no harm – they just enjoy spending time alone with the child. They must convince juries and the public that they are upstanding citizens – not someone who would molest a child. An empowering moment for me during the trial in 1994 was when my father was cross-examined. He couldn’t be angry at my attorney like he was when I confronted him. He had to be “normal” in the courtroom. He almost succeeded.
Most abusers are good ‘actors.’ They have to be. They must convince the child to participate without reporting the abuse to an adult. They must convince those who know the child that they mean no harm – they just enjoy spending time alone with the child. They must convince juries and the public that they are upstanding citizens – not someone who would molest a child. An empowering moment for me during the trial in 1994 was when my father was cross-examined. He couldn’t be angry at my attorney like he was when I confronted him. He had to be “normal” in the courtroom. He almost succeeded.
In your opinion, what changes need to be made in the training of teachers, school psychologists and pediatricians to recognize child sexual/physical abuse?
“Tell your child to tell someone if . . . ” is something I told community members years ago. There wasn’t a big rush of local disclosures. Disseminating that information to the public hasn’t stopped child molesters. Perhaps we could begin anew by taking another approach. I once passed out paper and crayons to a group of school administrators. I asked them to draw a child molester. I asked them to describe to the rest of us what they drew. The audience response was amazing.
I’d like to invite teachers, school psychiatrists and pediatricians to do the math. We know that 1 out of 4-5 girls and 1 out of 6-9 boys are molested as children. The U.S. adult population is 258 million. That’s 40+ million adults who were molested as children. What does this say about child molesters? What does this say about us? The cost is an average of $228K per abused child. Who is responsible for this cost?
“Tell your child to tell someone if . . . ” is something I told community members years ago. There wasn’t a big rush of local disclosures. Disseminating that information to the public hasn’t stopped child molesters. Perhaps we could begin anew by taking another approach. I once passed out paper and crayons to a group of school administrators. I asked them to draw a child molester. I asked them to describe to the rest of us what they drew. The audience response was amazing.
I’d like to invite teachers, school psychiatrists and pediatricians to do the math. We know that 1 out of 4-5 girls and 1 out of 6-9 boys are molested as children. The U.S. adult population is 258 million. That’s 40+ million adults who were molested as children. What does this say about child molesters? What does this say about us? The cost is an average of $228K per abused child. Who is responsible for this cost?
Considering the fairly low percentage of substantiated cases of child maltreatment, who is most at fault – the media, the courts, academia or cultural paradigms?
Cultural paradigms are most at fault. They determine how we will respond. For example:
Cultural paradigms are most at fault. They determine how we will respond. For example:
- First, we must decide whether he’s the type who would do something like that to a child. He seems so nice.
- He sounds so believable. He seems like such a nice guy.
- I can dismiss the accusations. I read about those false memories.
- It’s easier if I don’t report him to authorities. Why stir up trouble?
- Sure, I benefit if I don’t report – I get to enjoy his income, a nice house. But I’m not trafficking the child if I don’t report him. I would never do anything like that.
How much has your research into others’ experiences with childhood trauma and accounts of DID* helped you in your own recovery?
What had the greatest impact on my recovery was using what I learned about psychology in grad school, in an agency job 20 years later. I thought that surely survivors must be flooded with shame, guilt and fear. I hoped to avoid all that and focus on the other half of my new job: community education. I quickly discovered that our clients were brave and kind, angry and grieving. I wanted them hurry up and “get over it” and get on with their lives. I mean, how long could this take? And then I began to recall my own abusive childhood.
*According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), "Dissociative identity disorder is associated with overwhelming experiences, traumatic events and/or abuse that occurred in childhood. Dissociative identity disorder was previously referred to as multiple personality disorder." The APA lists the following symptoms: the existence of two or more distinct identities (or “personality states”) accompanied by changes in behavior, memory and thinking; ongoing gaps in memory about everyday events, personal information and/or past traumatic events; symptoms cause significant distress or problems in social, occupational or other areas of functioning.
What had the greatest impact on my recovery was using what I learned about psychology in grad school, in an agency job 20 years later. I thought that surely survivors must be flooded with shame, guilt and fear. I hoped to avoid all that and focus on the other half of my new job: community education. I quickly discovered that our clients were brave and kind, angry and grieving. I wanted them hurry up and “get over it” and get on with their lives. I mean, how long could this take? And then I began to recall my own abusive childhood.
*According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), "Dissociative identity disorder is associated with overwhelming experiences, traumatic events and/or abuse that occurred in childhood. Dissociative identity disorder was previously referred to as multiple personality disorder." The APA lists the following symptoms: the existence of two or more distinct identities (or “personality states”) accompanied by changes in behavior, memory and thinking; ongoing gaps in memory about everyday events, personal information and/or past traumatic events; symptoms cause significant distress or problems in social, occupational or other areas of functioning.
What do you hope is the biggest takeaway for readers of False Memories?
I hope readers will see that the public has been convinced by accused child molesters that child sex abuse allegations are false memories.
Accused child molesters spent $7.7M convincing the media that sex abuse allegations are false. Children are not molested. The “science” behind this is an easy-to-understand story – lost in a shopping mall. The mall study subjects were told their older relative said it happened. Therapists cannot credibly say this to a client without being fact-checked by the client. The mall study results were inflated from one, a by chance result, to six subjects. The media and many textbooks still maintain that accusations are false memories. This suggests that we want to believe, despite data to the contrary, that over 40 million adults in the U.S. were not molested as children.
I hope readers will see that the public has been convinced by accused child molesters that child sex abuse allegations are false memories.
Accused child molesters spent $7.7M convincing the media that sex abuse allegations are false. Children are not molested. The “science” behind this is an easy-to-understand story – lost in a shopping mall. The mall study subjects were told their older relative said it happened. Therapists cannot credibly say this to a client without being fact-checked by the client. The mall study results were inflated from one, a by chance result, to six subjects. The media and many textbooks still maintain that accusations are false memories. This suggests that we want to believe, despite data to the contrary, that over 40 million adults in the U.S. were not molested as children.
For more information:
The Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence
Additional Resources and Hotlines:
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)
Childhelp National Abuse Hotline
Enough Abuse Campaign
The Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence
Additional Resources and Hotlines:
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)
Childhelp National Abuse Hotline
Enough Abuse Campaign
Lynn Crook is the author of False Memories: The Deception That Silenced Millions. She earned a B.A. in French, and an M.Ed. in educational psychology at the University of Washington. She served as community educator and director for a sexual assault agency in southeastern Washington. In 1991, she sued her parents for damages after recovering memories of childhood sexual abuse by her father. Following a month-long trial in 1994, the judge ruled in her favor at a time when 85% of the popular press was telling us that adults’ accusations of childhood sexual abuse are false memories.
She has presented at more than a dozen professional conferences in the U.S., Canada, Great Britain and at the United Nations. She is the recipient of the Media Achievement Award from the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. She hopes that her book will encourage the public to respond with compassion to adults who find the courage to disclose childhood trauma. |