Healthy Mind
What’s the Right Way to Meditate? Ask YOURSELF!
December 2019
By Amy Beth Acker, LCSW
I often recommend meditation to my psychotherapy clients for a variety of reasons. Meditation has been shown in research to reduce pain, improve sleep, reduce stress and anxiety, and decrease symptoms of depression.
I’ve found that for many (including myself!), meditation can sound like a great idea, but then it becomes just another item on an already overflowing to-do list. It’s something we know we “should” do, and we wind up feeling guilty when it doesn’t happen.
While meditating, many find themselves feeling frustrated or discouraged as they try, unsuccessfully, to clear their mind for ten or twenty minutes while it races uncontrollably from topic to topic like a ping pong ball. The result? They decide they’re “not good” at meditating or they can’t do it “right,” and, ultimately, they give up.
I often recommend meditation to my psychotherapy clients for a variety of reasons. Meditation has been shown in research to reduce pain, improve sleep, reduce stress and anxiety, and decrease symptoms of depression.
I’ve found that for many (including myself!), meditation can sound like a great idea, but then it becomes just another item on an already overflowing to-do list. It’s something we know we “should” do, and we wind up feeling guilty when it doesn’t happen.
While meditating, many find themselves feeling frustrated or discouraged as they try, unsuccessfully, to clear their mind for ten or twenty minutes while it races uncontrollably from topic to topic like a ping pong ball. The result? They decide they’re “not good” at meditating or they can’t do it “right,” and, ultimately, they give up.
Feeling like a failure defeats the purpose of meditation. Therefore, I find it’s useful to understand a few things about meditation in order to find the way that’s right for each individual. When we let go of judgment about what we think we should be doing and, instead, embrace who we are, we gift ourselves with the opportunity to know ourselves better and to have less suffering and more peace in our lives.
Meditation is the formal practice of mindfulness, which is defined by Jon Kabat-Zin, creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), as “Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” I love this definition because it’s so elegant in its simplicity.
Meditation isn’t about shutting down negative feelings or making our minds go blank for ten minutes while we sit on the floor, close our eyes, and cross our legs. Instead, it’s about getting intentional with our minds and our experience, getting present with whatever is happening at the moment, and then letting go of judgment about all of it – no matter what unfolds. This is a tall order for most of us because our brains never seem to shut off. We walk around most of the time with little awareness of what we’re thinking or feeling, so getting still and quiet with our minds can be incredibly challenging - especially at first.
Our brains have evolved in such a way that we innately judge everything. It’s how we’ve survived all this time as a species. Yet, we’ve come to a point in our evolution where our constant judgment of everything is holding us back from the things we want most in life: peace, presence and connection. When we shut down our “survival brain” so that it no longer calls the shots - even for a few moments - we are able to honor our own intuition and inner-wisdom.
I recommend that, before you start your meditation practice, you find clarity about your intentions. Paradoxically, specific intentions, such as “stop the chatter in my mind,” can put us back into that judgmental place we’re aiming to loosen our grip on. We start evaluating and judging the chatter, and suddenly the chatter has become the focal point of our practice.
Instead, an intention such as "presence with whatever is" can give us space to notice what comes up for us, to let it be present without judgment, and then to let it go.
I often tell my clients that meditation is like exercise for your mind. The point is not to make yourself stop thinking for a specific period of time; instead, take notice of what’s happening in your mind, and then let it go over and over again.
I find that focusing on my breath provides me with an anchor for my practice. I’ll start by focusing on taking full inhales and exhales and then transition into noticing the breathing happening without trying to control it in a specific way.
Inevitably, my mind will wander to a problem it’s trying to solve. This can range from the mundane, such as what I’m going to have for breakfast, to the terrifying, such as environmental devastation and the potential collapse of mankind as we know it. When I notice my mind has wandered, I don’t judge the fact that it wandered or let myself get further engaged in what it was thinking about. I simply let it go and move back to my breath. Sometimes it helps to visualize my thoughts as passing clouds or leaves on a river that will float away on their own without any input on my part.
Love for yourself and for all living things can be a great way to end a meditation practice. It’s good to acknowledge the gift you’ve given, not only to yourself, but also the contribution toward greater peace in the world that you’ve made with your small act.
Meditation is a way to honor both our humanness and our sacredness. When we can let go of the notion that there is a right or wrong way to meditate and embrace that there is only the right way for us, we can open ourselves up to one of the most basic gifts that meditation has to give: the gift of acceptance of what is.
Meditation is the formal practice of mindfulness, which is defined by Jon Kabat-Zin, creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), as “Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” I love this definition because it’s so elegant in its simplicity.
Meditation isn’t about shutting down negative feelings or making our minds go blank for ten minutes while we sit on the floor, close our eyes, and cross our legs. Instead, it’s about getting intentional with our minds and our experience, getting present with whatever is happening at the moment, and then letting go of judgment about all of it – no matter what unfolds. This is a tall order for most of us because our brains never seem to shut off. We walk around most of the time with little awareness of what we’re thinking or feeling, so getting still and quiet with our minds can be incredibly challenging - especially at first.
Our brains have evolved in such a way that we innately judge everything. It’s how we’ve survived all this time as a species. Yet, we’ve come to a point in our evolution where our constant judgment of everything is holding us back from the things we want most in life: peace, presence and connection. When we shut down our “survival brain” so that it no longer calls the shots - even for a few moments - we are able to honor our own intuition and inner-wisdom.
I recommend that, before you start your meditation practice, you find clarity about your intentions. Paradoxically, specific intentions, such as “stop the chatter in my mind,” can put us back into that judgmental place we’re aiming to loosen our grip on. We start evaluating and judging the chatter, and suddenly the chatter has become the focal point of our practice.
Instead, an intention such as "presence with whatever is" can give us space to notice what comes up for us, to let it be present without judgment, and then to let it go.
I often tell my clients that meditation is like exercise for your mind. The point is not to make yourself stop thinking for a specific period of time; instead, take notice of what’s happening in your mind, and then let it go over and over again.
I find that focusing on my breath provides me with an anchor for my practice. I’ll start by focusing on taking full inhales and exhales and then transition into noticing the breathing happening without trying to control it in a specific way.
Inevitably, my mind will wander to a problem it’s trying to solve. This can range from the mundane, such as what I’m going to have for breakfast, to the terrifying, such as environmental devastation and the potential collapse of mankind as we know it. When I notice my mind has wandered, I don’t judge the fact that it wandered or let myself get further engaged in what it was thinking about. I simply let it go and move back to my breath. Sometimes it helps to visualize my thoughts as passing clouds or leaves on a river that will float away on their own without any input on my part.
Love for yourself and for all living things can be a great way to end a meditation practice. It’s good to acknowledge the gift you’ve given, not only to yourself, but also the contribution toward greater peace in the world that you’ve made with your small act.
Meditation is a way to honor both our humanness and our sacredness. When we can let go of the notion that there is a right or wrong way to meditate and embrace that there is only the right way for us, we can open ourselves up to one of the most basic gifts that meditation has to give: the gift of acceptance of what is.
Additional Resources:
Free Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Course
Free Guided Meditations
Articles and Tools for Beginning a Meditation Practice
Free Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Course
Free Guided Meditations
Articles and Tools for Beginning a Meditation Practice
Amy Beth Acker, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Somerville, NJ. She specializes in working with professional women who are struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. She is also the author of The Way of the Peaceful Woman: Awaken the Power of You, Create a Life You Love, and Set Yourself Free (excerpted HERE) and is a regular contributor for Sanctuary.
