SANCTUARY
  • Open Book
    • Featured Interviews >
      • Archives: 2020
      • Archives: 2019
      • ARCHIVES: 2018
      • ARCHIVES: 2017
      • ARCHIVES: 2016
    • More Interviews >
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2019
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2018
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2017
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2016
    • Autism Awareness 2022 >
      • Autism Awareness 2021
      • Autism Awareness 2020
      • Autism Awareness 2019
      • Autism Awareness 2018
  • Blank Canvas
    • Featured Artists >
      • 2021 Featured Artist Updates
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2020
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2019
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2018
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2017
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2016
    • Selected Works
    • Culture Crawl >
      • Archives: Culture Crawl
    • 2021 Focus on Youth >
      • 2020 Focus on Youth
      • 2019 Focus on Youth
      • 2018 Focus on Youth
      • 2017 Focus on Youth
      • 2016 Focus on Youth
    • 2021 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives >
      • 2020 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
      • 2019 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
      • 2018 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
      • 2017 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
  • Body & Spirit
    • Healthy Body >
      • Archives: Healthy Body
    • Healthy Mind >
      • Archives: Healthy Mind
    • Nutrition and Exercise >
      • Laura's Corner Table
      • Archives: Nutrition & Exercise
    • Personal Safety >
      • Archives: Personal Safety
    • Alternative Therapy >
      • Archives: Alternative Therapy
    • Navigating Relationships >
      • Archives: Navigating Relationships
  • INSPIRED LIFE
    • TRAVEL JOURNAL >
      • Travel Journal Archives
    • YOUR MONEY >
      • MONEY ARCHIVES
    • CAREER JOURNEY >
      • CAREER JOURNEY ARCHIVES
    • Smart Steps >
      • ARCHIVES: Smart Steps
  • GUEST ROOM
    • Ask an Expert >
      • ARCHIVES: ASK AN EXPERT
    • Kindness & Karma >
      • Archives: Kindness & Karma
    • We Hear You >
      • Celebrated Readers
      • TALKBACK
    • Submit Your Work
    • Book Giveaway 2021 >
      • Book Giveaway 2021 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2020 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2019 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2018 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2017 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2016 Winners' Circle
    • Surveys
  • Events
    • Events Everywhere
    • Sanctuary Events
    • Coffee & Conversation
  • Advertise
    • Media Kit
    • Sponsor Ad Packages
    • Meet Our Sponsors
  • About
    • Myrna's Musings
    • Our Team
    • Support Us
    • CONTACT US

Navigating Relationships


Redefining the Generation Gap:
Grandmother as Both Mentor and Friend

December 2021

Picture
Jillian with Grandma M

Editor's Note: With "family" and "reflection" as themes this month, we hope readers find Jillian's article about the grandmother-granddaughter relationship to be a refreshing perspective and one to hold dear this holiday season.

By Jillian Crocetta
 
Intergenerational friendships grow the way all friendships do. They affect how we interact with others and how we understand ourselves and the world around us.
 
Many intergenerational friendships happen to be familial. Interestingly, a recent article on Care.com points out that grandparents and grandchildren may have a more seamless relationship than parents and children because grandparents are often free from parental responsibilities, such as setting boundaries and consequences for bad behavior; instead, a grandparent can focus on building a relationship based on interests.​
"Parent-child relationships are complex. Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love." ~ Janet Lanese, author
I considered both of my grandmothers to be close friends of mine since I was eight or nine years old. They were never “Nanny” or “Nana” or “Grammy” to me. They were always Grandma C and Grandma M, women who shared similar interests and enjoyed spending time with me.
 
In post-retirement, Grandma C valued exploration. She encouraged her grandchildren to seek new opportunities and confront the unknown. She encouraged me to make my debut as Henry Hudson in the school play and ran lines with me before the curtain went up. At the time, I didn’t realize how lucky I was that she treated me like a nervous friend, rather than a nervous nine-year-old.
Grandma M lived farther away, but we both shared an unshakeable love of literature, writing and books. So, I would wander the house with a phone to my ear, testing how far the cord would stretch from room to room, as she would share her love of authors I was yet to be familiar with, and I would tell her all about the latest Babysitter’s Club book I picked up.

Does Age Matter?
 
Age is perhaps the greatest barrier of an intergenerational friendship. When Grandma C died, I felt the first bite of betrayal – that our age difference had left me to carry on for years without her. I realize now that our journeys overlapped, but never ran parallel. I was left contemplating what it felt like to lose a friend and wondering what our friendship would have looked like today if we both had five more years of growth.
 
I felt, too, a gripping sense of frustration because there was so much about her that I still didn’t know. There were so many things she experienced before me. Every friendship has challenges, and the one you might develop with a grandmother is no exception. Your grandmother has the opportunity to watch you grow; on the other hand, you missed out on her bad haircut phase, her graduation day, and her debut in a school play.

​Aren’t all friendships lovely imperfections, though?

​Perhaps age can be a challenge for curious granddaughters like me – those who are on a quest to know more. But I have a new perception of age in my twenty-second year of friendship with Grandma M: To be a friend is to listen. So, when Grandma M and I start dissecting literature, our generation gap inspires the course of the conversation and broadens perspectives.
Why It Works
 
Grandma M jokes with me that our friendship works because I don’t bore her, but we always find common ground. And truth be told, I don’t have many friends my age who want to talk to me for hours about which collection of Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes was the best (The Adventures) or how we can restore the thematic strangeness of nineteenth century gothic literature. Grandma M is that person who will spend the time talking about it with me. And I never sense that she doesn’t want to be there, simply listening to me.

Although we are family, most of our conversations are not about family at all. We don’t talk about books and writing because we are family; we talk about these things because we are both interested in them.
"And truth be told, I don’t have many friends my age who want to talk to me for hours about which collection of Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes was the best (The Adventures) or how we can restore the thematic strangeness of nineteenth century gothic literature."
The family dynamic can be complicated. But it doesn’t have to be if we realize that true friendships can develop between family members. It’s also true that we don’t have to crack each conversation open, looking for threads of family talk to tie it back together.
 
What We Learn
 
In many ways, Grandma M has been a steadfast and predominant mentor for me. She is a successful woman and someone I look up to as an award-winning author of five books and countless articles. Yet, her role as my mentor is not always turned on. It’s there while she is reading my paper on Jane Eyre; but when we’re drinking wine and talking about our lives, there is no role either of us is forced to play. We are just sharing and learning – about each other, authors, travels, simply anything that fascinates us.
 
I personally believe that a close friendship with a grandparent can move beyond the mentor-mentee relationship. The roles are often blurred when there is give and take, mutual respect, common interests, and enduring love. 

Jillian Crocetta is a New York City-based human resources professional and freelance writer/editor who enjoys writing in the areas of identity, place, empowerment, and health & wellness. She has always been drawn to creative nonfiction and poetry and has a passion for generating stories. In addition to the articles she has written for Sanctuary, her work has been published in New Voices and Spotlight News.

​NEWS...

It's our 6th Anniversary!

We are also celebrating:
Motherhood
Happy Mother's Day!


Next newsletter goes out:
May 6th

Next Coffee & Conversation:
May 12

​
Next Team Talk
with Myrna Haskell:
MAY 19
Picture
SEND YOUR SUGGESTIONS:
Let us know what you would like
to see and read about in SANCTUARY.
seniorstaff@sanctuary-magazine.com
Free Newsletter
Support Us
Please LIKE us and FOLLOW us!
USE:
#WheresYourSanctuary
SEND US A GOOGLE REVIEW!

© 2022 Sanctuary Online, LLC
All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.
​Opinions expressed by contributors are not necessarily the opinion of this publication.
  • Open Book
    • Featured Interviews >
      • Archives: 2020
      • Archives: 2019
      • ARCHIVES: 2018
      • ARCHIVES: 2017
      • ARCHIVES: 2016
    • More Interviews >
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2019
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2018
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2017
      • ARCHIVES: Interviews 2016
    • Autism Awareness 2022 >
      • Autism Awareness 2021
      • Autism Awareness 2020
      • Autism Awareness 2019
      • Autism Awareness 2018
  • Blank Canvas
    • Featured Artists >
      • 2021 Featured Artist Updates
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2020
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2019
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2018
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2017
      • Featured Artist Archives: 2016
    • Selected Works
    • Culture Crawl >
      • Archives: Culture Crawl
    • 2021 Focus on Youth >
      • 2020 Focus on Youth
      • 2019 Focus on Youth
      • 2018 Focus on Youth
      • 2017 Focus on Youth
      • 2016 Focus on Youth
    • 2021 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives >
      • 2020 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
      • 2019 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
      • 2018 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
      • 2017 Celebrating the Men in Our Lives
  • Body & Spirit
    • Healthy Body >
      • Archives: Healthy Body
    • Healthy Mind >
      • Archives: Healthy Mind
    • Nutrition and Exercise >
      • Laura's Corner Table
      • Archives: Nutrition & Exercise
    • Personal Safety >
      • Archives: Personal Safety
    • Alternative Therapy >
      • Archives: Alternative Therapy
    • Navigating Relationships >
      • Archives: Navigating Relationships
  • INSPIRED LIFE
    • TRAVEL JOURNAL >
      • Travel Journal Archives
    • YOUR MONEY >
      • MONEY ARCHIVES
    • CAREER JOURNEY >
      • CAREER JOURNEY ARCHIVES
    • Smart Steps >
      • ARCHIVES: Smart Steps
  • GUEST ROOM
    • Ask an Expert >
      • ARCHIVES: ASK AN EXPERT
    • Kindness & Karma >
      • Archives: Kindness & Karma
    • We Hear You >
      • Celebrated Readers
      • TALKBACK
    • Submit Your Work
    • Book Giveaway 2021 >
      • Book Giveaway 2021 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2020 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2019 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2018 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2017 Winners' Circle
      • Book Giveaway 2016 Winners' Circle
    • Surveys
  • Events
    • Events Everywhere
    • Sanctuary Events
    • Coffee & Conversation
  • Advertise
    • Media Kit
    • Sponsor Ad Packages
    • Meet Our Sponsors
  • About
    • Myrna's Musings
    • Our Team
    • Support Us
    • CONTACT US