Interview with
Jennifer Cook (formerly O'Toole)
Award-Winning Author, Speaker & Autism Community Advocate
Jennifer Cook (formerly O'Toole)
Award-Winning Author, Speaker & Autism Community Advocate
Jennifer Cook is an award-winning author of seven bestselling books which have been translated into six languages. Her Asperkids series and her book Sisterhood of the Spectrum (Jessica Kingsley Publishers) comprise the bestselling, autism-related book collection in the world. Her memoir, Autism in Heels, is a Wall Street Journal bestseller and was chosen a "Best Book" title winner by Publishers Weekly. The recent audiobook debut of Autism in Heels (Dreamscape Media, LLC) was a number one release for Audible and Amazon, marking an important milestone as the first narration of an autism memoir by an autistic person.
In 2011, at the age of thirty-five, Jennifer Cook (then O’Toole) was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (autism) just after her three young children had been similarly identified. For the first time in her life, things made sense. Since then, Jennifer has been featured by The New York Post, The Guardian, and even the BBC. She has appeared on the cover of numerous magazines, and is a beloved presenter, winning AuKids’ Magazine’s “Speaker of the Year.” |
She is a sought-after keynote speaker at large events, including the Autism Society of America’s National Conference, the USAAA World Conference, North American Montessori Teachers’ Association, The National Inclusion Project, the UK’s National Autistic Society, Ireland’s SHINE, and Denmark’s Sikon. She has spoken frequently at mega conferences alongside her colleagues (and close friends) Dr. Temple Grandin and Dr. Tony Attwood.
Jennifer was named one of North Carolina’s “50 Most Influential Women” and Autism Newscast’s “25 Most Amazing Women with Autism.” She is a recipient of GRASP’s Distinguished Spectrumite Parenting Medal and the Make-A-Wish Foundation’s Women Inspiring Hope and Strength Award, was named AuKids Speaker of the Year, and has been celebrated by Disney’s Babble and The Mighty.
In 2019, Jennifer became the inaugural Senior Directorial Consultant to CNN Hero, Dr. Wendy Ross, at Jefferson University Hospital's Jefferson Health Center for Autism and Neurodiversity in Philadelphia. She was selected to address the US National Institutes of Health Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee regarding the unique issues surrounding women, girls, and autism. Jennifer has advised the President's Council on Disabilities and the President's Council on Sports, Fitness, and Nutrition at the White House in 2015 and had a voice in the creation of Julia, the first autistic character on Sesame Street.
She sits on the Autism Society of America’s Panel of People on the Spectrum, and she is a columnist/expert panelist for Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls at the Party. Jennifer is also a contributor to the online Spectrum Women Magazine.
From her own struggles and self-discovery, Jennifer’s celebrated insights have touched hearts, lightened spirits, and broadened minds around the world.
Jennifer was named one of North Carolina’s “50 Most Influential Women” and Autism Newscast’s “25 Most Amazing Women with Autism.” She is a recipient of GRASP’s Distinguished Spectrumite Parenting Medal and the Make-A-Wish Foundation’s Women Inspiring Hope and Strength Award, was named AuKids Speaker of the Year, and has been celebrated by Disney’s Babble and The Mighty.
In 2019, Jennifer became the inaugural Senior Directorial Consultant to CNN Hero, Dr. Wendy Ross, at Jefferson University Hospital's Jefferson Health Center for Autism and Neurodiversity in Philadelphia. She was selected to address the US National Institutes of Health Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee regarding the unique issues surrounding women, girls, and autism. Jennifer has advised the President's Council on Disabilities and the President's Council on Sports, Fitness, and Nutrition at the White House in 2015 and had a voice in the creation of Julia, the first autistic character on Sesame Street.
She sits on the Autism Society of America’s Panel of People on the Spectrum, and she is a columnist/expert panelist for Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls at the Party. Jennifer is also a contributor to the online Spectrum Women Magazine.
From her own struggles and self-discovery, Jennifer’s celebrated insights have touched hearts, lightened spirits, and broadened minds around the world.
Jennifer shares her personal journey and advice for females on the spectrum with Sanctuary.
You were diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome as an adult. Did your eventual diagnosis at the age of 35 help in any way with your self-esteem?
Yes. Incredibly! I could start to look at the world around me and try to make sense of it - to intellectually discern things and try to make observations instead of judgments. I realized that I’m not equipped with the same type of neurology, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying hard enough. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure.
I started to study social rules…I would never have paid attention to them if I hadn’t been diagnosed.
You were diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome as an adult. Did your eventual diagnosis at the age of 35 help in any way with your self-esteem?
Yes. Incredibly! I could start to look at the world around me and try to make sense of it - to intellectually discern things and try to make observations instead of judgments. I realized that I’m not equipped with the same type of neurology, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying hard enough. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure.
I started to study social rules…I would never have paid attention to them if I hadn’t been diagnosed.
A quote on your website reads: I’m living proof that anyone's rock bottom can also be the lonely, terrifying, deep-dark place where she changes direction.” Would you like to explain further?
This has to do with my personal experience with sexual violence within an intimate relationship, and it’s about what it took to get me out. The most important thing my mother ever taught me was 'If you are ever in a terrible place, do something for someone else.' Look to use your pain [in a positive way]. In having to process for other people, you feel less alone and less aware of it. The pain becomes purposeful. My absolute promise to myself became loving the hell out of this world! I would take what’s happened, look at it and use it. Maybe it would just be a choice as simple as to just breathe one day…or a choice to put yourself out there, hold a hand, and say hello. It’s like being at the very bottom of a pool. You can just sit there, I suppose; but you can choose to use the bottom as a push-off point – to shove up hard and gasp for air. When you break the surface, that’s when things can start to change…when you realize you are not alone and can help others make sense of their lives. |
In Autism in Heels, do you address the idea that females can ‘fake’ being neurotypical better than males?
We call this camouflaging or hiding in plain sight. But this is my memoir – my specific story. I address these issues more directly for others in Sisterhood of the Spectrum: An Asperger Chick’s Guide to Life.
Snippet from Sisterhood of the Spectrum:
“If you’re a spectrum girl, you can probably mimic accents and gestures, and you may ‘fool’ everyone by how well you ‘pass.’ But guess what? ‘Blending in’ means not showing up. It means a lifetime of falling short of a goal that’s not meant to be ours anyway: typicality. You are NOT typical, thank goodness. And that’s why, in a million subtle, abundant ways, YOU already are beautiful and strong. You are a gift to this world. A one-time only appearance. A perfect rendition of YOU in progress.”
What about social difficulties for girls during puberty and with romantic relationships later in life?
Bullying, difficulties with friendships, violence in relationships…girls on the spectrum experience all of that. For girls, social interactions become so drastically different in adolescence. So, the skew [between a female neurotypical girl’s behavior/social acuity and a spectrum girl’s behavior/social acuity] becomes more acute. However, that age is not easy for anyone.
You speak all around the country. Were you always comfortable in front of an audience? Do you think this is typical of others on the spectrum?
I’m very comfortable in front of an audience. I danced from the age of two on. [Speaking to an audience] is much easier than conversing one-on-one. This is because I’m controlling the pace and the content. I don’t need to respond spontaneously…except maybe with someone in the audience…but then I’m picking the person and still controlling the situation.
I don’t think I can offer any generalizations about other people on the spectrum, not any more than I could make them about neurotypical people. But so many do get involved in theater. Theater is choreographed…it’s not insincere…but it’s planned. And that makes a big difference for us.
What do you hope readers gain from reading your books?
It’s about creating a community. My readership for the book is an interesting mix – women from early 20s to 60s. They are identifying themselves through the checklist. [The Chick-List Checklist is excerpted in Sanctuary this month.] The result is a profound self-awareness, a healing through conversation and communication.
We call this camouflaging or hiding in plain sight. But this is my memoir – my specific story. I address these issues more directly for others in Sisterhood of the Spectrum: An Asperger Chick’s Guide to Life.
Snippet from Sisterhood of the Spectrum:
“If you’re a spectrum girl, you can probably mimic accents and gestures, and you may ‘fool’ everyone by how well you ‘pass.’ But guess what? ‘Blending in’ means not showing up. It means a lifetime of falling short of a goal that’s not meant to be ours anyway: typicality. You are NOT typical, thank goodness. And that’s why, in a million subtle, abundant ways, YOU already are beautiful and strong. You are a gift to this world. A one-time only appearance. A perfect rendition of YOU in progress.”
What about social difficulties for girls during puberty and with romantic relationships later in life?
Bullying, difficulties with friendships, violence in relationships…girls on the spectrum experience all of that. For girls, social interactions become so drastically different in adolescence. So, the skew [between a female neurotypical girl’s behavior/social acuity and a spectrum girl’s behavior/social acuity] becomes more acute. However, that age is not easy for anyone.
You speak all around the country. Were you always comfortable in front of an audience? Do you think this is typical of others on the spectrum?
I’m very comfortable in front of an audience. I danced from the age of two on. [Speaking to an audience] is much easier than conversing one-on-one. This is because I’m controlling the pace and the content. I don’t need to respond spontaneously…except maybe with someone in the audience…but then I’m picking the person and still controlling the situation.
I don’t think I can offer any generalizations about other people on the spectrum, not any more than I could make them about neurotypical people. But so many do get involved in theater. Theater is choreographed…it’s not insincere…but it’s planned. And that makes a big difference for us.
What do you hope readers gain from reading your books?
It’s about creating a community. My readership for the book is an interesting mix – women from early 20s to 60s. They are identifying themselves through the checklist. [The Chick-List Checklist is excerpted in Sanctuary this month.] The result is a profound self-awareness, a healing through conversation and communication.
Praise for Autism in Heels... “I am blown away. Never has a book on autism captured the female perspective with so much accuracy, grit, and flair. The perspective of the girl who models herself after typical girls but never quite fits in, and feels fraudulent, is a common but never before clearly articulated phenomenon for women with autism.” ~ Wendy Ross, M.D., Autism Society of America Person of the Year & founder of Autism Inclusion Resources |
I want readers to identify unhealthy relationships, even with self. I want readers [on the spectrum] to know that they were never alone…never broken…they are miracles who have been mistaken. The world is better because we [women/girls on the spectrum] are here. We need to discern areas where we need support. This is how we start to learn and find ways to achieve. We need to identify why we do what we do – respond, rather than react. We have to understand one another and what’s expected of one another.
When a woman can’t find something to wear, it means she doesn’t have anything that fits who she wants to be that day. It’s not so much trying on ‘masks,’ but more about trying a little bit of this or a little bit of that. I want to help women identify themselves and to see themselves in someone else’s story. I get many emails that lift me. One person said, ‘This may be the single most important book I ever read.’ |
I’m hoping readers get to a place where they can say, ‘I am a work in progress, a story unfinished.’
What is your best piece of advice for a teenager on the spectrum? For a woman on the spectrum?
Oh…you’re killing me here! My best piece of advice…
I want women on the spectrum to know that they are not a mistake, but a miracle. Be your own brilliant self. Living your truth is never easy. People throw rocks at things that shine, but I want to see you shine anyway. Look boldly…take chances. The best things in my life have happened because of the distinct way that I am.
Lastly, remember that being brave means being afraid, but doing it anyway.
Where do you find sanctuary?
Ha! I knew this was coming because I looked around your website.
I want to say, ‘I don’t really know right now,’ but maybe in childhood events and delights, like glitter…or tap dancing in sneakers…(Laughing) or getting my face licked by my dog…or playing with my kids.
I find sanctuary making something beautiful out of something broken.
What is your best piece of advice for a teenager on the spectrum? For a woman on the spectrum?
Oh…you’re killing me here! My best piece of advice…
I want women on the spectrum to know that they are not a mistake, but a miracle. Be your own brilliant self. Living your truth is never easy. People throw rocks at things that shine, but I want to see you shine anyway. Look boldly…take chances. The best things in my life have happened because of the distinct way that I am.
Lastly, remember that being brave means being afraid, but doing it anyway.
Where do you find sanctuary?
Ha! I knew this was coming because I looked around your website.
I want to say, ‘I don’t really know right now,’ but maybe in childhood events and delights, like glitter…or tap dancing in sneakers…(Laughing) or getting my face licked by my dog…or playing with my kids.
I find sanctuary making something beautiful out of something broken.
Click Book Cover for Excerpt
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