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JANUARY 2023 TOPIC: Fixing a Fallout with a Friend
Dr. Dravon James
Founder of Next Step Leadership Academy, Radio Host & Author |
OUR EXPERT:
Dr. Dravon James is the founder of Next Step Leadership Academy, a company that empowers women to use everything that shows up in their lives – good, bad, or otherwise – to reach their next level of greatness. Dravon is a Transformation Specialist who uses her ‘Every Day Peace’ philosophy to coach women on how to master goal attainment. She is also the author of Freedom is Your Birthright. Dravon is the host of Dr. Dravon James Every Day Peace (a live weekly show on MindBodySpirit.fm), a regular coach on SiriusXM’s Road Dog Trucking Show, and an actress whose career credits include a recurring role on HBO’s critically acclaimed The Wire. As a leader in the healthcare industry for more than three decades, Dravon is also the recipient of the Secretary McDonough Coin of Recognition for her leadership efforts to combat the COVID pandemic. She uses her diverse training and experience to lead women to victory using the power of ‘Every Day Peace’ to achieve their next level of greatness in life and business. |
“My closest friend is marrying a controlling and volatile person. Even her mom doesn’t like him. She used to complain about him to me, but she still seemed set on the marriage. I finally told her that she was making a big mistake, and now she won’t talk to me. I haven’t changed my mind, but I miss my friend. Any advice?” ~ Anonymous
Dear Concerned Friend,
First, I want to express my admiration for your love and genuine concern for your friend. It is totally understandable that you want the best for your friend, but none of us knows the future, and we certainly don't know what path someone must take in order to become the person they are intended to become. It's okay to have an opinion, but remember when speaking with adults it's usually best to ask permission before giving unsolicited advice.
That being said, since you have asked for my advice, here it is. Start with an apology. Apologize for giving an unsolicited opinion. Then, tell your friend that you love her and support her right to make her own decisions. Let her know that you miss her, and ask how you can resume your friendship. Remember things may not be as they were before, but that's okay. Friendships, like everything else, are meant to evolve.
“When my mother was very ill, I needed support from those closest to me. One friend, whom I deemed very close at the time, sent one text. She didn’t call for two months. When her mother was sick, I texted almost every day to check up on things. Is this a case of when hardship hits, you know who your real friends are? I never addressed it directly with her, but I’ve pretty much dropped out of the friendship. Should I have addressed it for closure?” ~ Beth (VA)
Dear Beth,
I hope that all is well with your mother. We have a tendency to think that others should behave the way that we behave. Sometimes we forget that people process things differently. They filter information based on many personal factors, and that means their responses may look different than ours. And yes, sometimes it's hurtful when they don't seem to provide the comfort we need. While I certainly believe that we are responsible for letting those closest to us know what we need from them, I also believe that it must be done with love and kindness. We must avoid any attempt at bullying or manipulating someone into meeting our needs. Each person in our life brings their own set of gifts. Perhaps spending time accepting others as they are will free you up to express gratitude to those who rallied to support you during your time of need.
“I invite my neighbor and her children to almost everything I have at my house. However, more recently, I’ve found out that I’ve been excluded from a couple of get-togethers she has hosted. I’m hurt. Should I address this directly with her or just not bother to invite her in the future?” ~ Abbie (CA)
Dear Abbie,
Do you enjoy having your neighbor and her children attend your events? If so, continue doing what brings you joy without any concern of whether or not she reciprocates. Life is too short to spend time trying to contemplate all of the possible reasons that your neighbor hasn't invited you to every event that she hosted.
Dear Concerned Friend,
First, I want to express my admiration for your love and genuine concern for your friend. It is totally understandable that you want the best for your friend, but none of us knows the future, and we certainly don't know what path someone must take in order to become the person they are intended to become. It's okay to have an opinion, but remember when speaking with adults it's usually best to ask permission before giving unsolicited advice.
That being said, since you have asked for my advice, here it is. Start with an apology. Apologize for giving an unsolicited opinion. Then, tell your friend that you love her and support her right to make her own decisions. Let her know that you miss her, and ask how you can resume your friendship. Remember things may not be as they were before, but that's okay. Friendships, like everything else, are meant to evolve.
“When my mother was very ill, I needed support from those closest to me. One friend, whom I deemed very close at the time, sent one text. She didn’t call for two months. When her mother was sick, I texted almost every day to check up on things. Is this a case of when hardship hits, you know who your real friends are? I never addressed it directly with her, but I’ve pretty much dropped out of the friendship. Should I have addressed it for closure?” ~ Beth (VA)
Dear Beth,
I hope that all is well with your mother. We have a tendency to think that others should behave the way that we behave. Sometimes we forget that people process things differently. They filter information based on many personal factors, and that means their responses may look different than ours. And yes, sometimes it's hurtful when they don't seem to provide the comfort we need. While I certainly believe that we are responsible for letting those closest to us know what we need from them, I also believe that it must be done with love and kindness. We must avoid any attempt at bullying or manipulating someone into meeting our needs. Each person in our life brings their own set of gifts. Perhaps spending time accepting others as they are will free you up to express gratitude to those who rallied to support you during your time of need.
“I invite my neighbor and her children to almost everything I have at my house. However, more recently, I’ve found out that I’ve been excluded from a couple of get-togethers she has hosted. I’m hurt. Should I address this directly with her or just not bother to invite her in the future?” ~ Abbie (CA)
Dear Abbie,
Do you enjoy having your neighbor and her children attend your events? If so, continue doing what brings you joy without any concern of whether or not she reciprocates. Life is too short to spend time trying to contemplate all of the possible reasons that your neighbor hasn't invited you to every event that she hosted.
