Healthy Mind
Time for Self-Care: Stop Talking and Start Doing
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By Jill Valentino
Throughout my childhood, my father often traveled for work, leaving my mother, Marci, alone with my younger brother and me for days, sometimes weeks. Years later, while on the phone with my retired, seventy-one-year-old mother, I was venting about my exhaustion and stress. At the time, my husband had taken on a temporary job keeping him away from his stay-at-home dad duties, and I was struggling to keep everything afloat.
“I don’t get a moment to myself,” I complained. “I don’t know how you did this.”
“Why do you think I was on the phone so much back then?” she replied.
When I was growing up, my mother would often be found standing in the kitchen entryway with the phone receiver to her ear, the thick, curly phone cord stretched across the room. So, her response was a revelation.
I understand now that she was practicing self-care.
Throughout my childhood, my father often traveled for work, leaving my mother, Marci, alone with my younger brother and me for days, sometimes weeks. Years later, while on the phone with my retired, seventy-one-year-old mother, I was venting about my exhaustion and stress. At the time, my husband had taken on a temporary job keeping him away from his stay-at-home dad duties, and I was struggling to keep everything afloat.
“I don’t get a moment to myself,” I complained. “I don’t know how you did this.”
“Why do you think I was on the phone so much back then?” she replied.
When I was growing up, my mother would often be found standing in the kitchen entryway with the phone receiver to her ear, the thick, curly phone cord stretched across the room. So, her response was a revelation.
I understand now that she was practicing self-care.
What is Self-Care?
According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), self-care is defined as “the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being.
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) states, "it’s important to take care of your family and friends, but it should be balanced with care for yourself.” They recommend that everyone try to care for themselves in at least one way daily, especially during stressful periods. Examples the CDC gives of how to do so include:
Coping With Stress
A recent study determined that adults aged 45-64 are 19% more stressed than their counterparts were in the 1990s.
According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), self-care is defined as “the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being.
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) states, "it’s important to take care of your family and friends, but it should be balanced with care for yourself.” They recommend that everyone try to care for themselves in at least one way daily, especially during stressful periods. Examples the CDC gives of how to do so include:
- Yoga
- Listening to music
- Gardening
- Taking up a new hobby
- Exercising
Coping With Stress
A recent study determined that adults aged 45-64 are 19% more stressed than their counterparts were in the 1990s.
Why are those who have reached middle age experiencing more stress than ever before? Today, people 45 to 64 years old are stretched thinner than ever. Often expected to wear several hats and play various roles, current midlifers deal with demands and pressures that previous generations were not as often faced with. Today, it’s typical that this demographic is providing daily care for many people while juggling work outside the home, such as students or employees at work, children or grandchildren at home, and elderly loved ones who need increasing assistance.
My mother-in-law, Barbara, was “ahead of her time.” Over two decades ago, when she was in her mid-fifties, she was the primary caregiver for her cancer-stricken husband as well as her mother, whose declining health was due to Alzheimer’s disease. At the time, she was working full-time as a high school English teacher.
My mother-in-law, Barbara, was “ahead of her time.” Over two decades ago, when she was in her mid-fifties, she was the primary caregiver for her cancer-stricken husband as well as her mother, whose declining health was due to Alzheimer’s disease. At the time, she was working full-time as a high school English teacher.
Years later, I asked Barbara how she kept her sanity during that time.
“I took a lot of walks on my lunch breaks,” she shared. “Exercise and time outdoors have always helped me focus, and I feel good after I do it.”
“I took a lot of walks on my lunch breaks,” she shared. “Exercise and time outdoors have always helped me focus, and I feel good after I do it.”
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Post-retirement, Barbara continues to take daily walks and practice regular self-care. At 77, she is still in excellent health. Finding the Time When it comes to regular self-care, the most significant hurdle to overcome is finding the time to do it. There are many ways to practice self-care, some lasting a few minutes, some an hour or longer. At 54, mom of four, nurse, and fitness aficionado Victoria Valencia believes everyone can find the time if self-care is understood as a priority. "Prior to my health and fitness journey, I used to make excuses and only wished to look and feel better,” she shares. Today, Victoria exercises regularly, coaches others, and is happier and healthier overall. For account clerk and yoga teacher Jen Puleo, 47, a 2014 breast cancer diagnosis forced her to slow down and prioritize herself. She began focusing inward, taking time to rest, and allowing herself to accept help from others for the ten months she underwent treatment. Being forced to consider her needs each day taught Jen the importance of taking time to care for herself. Since entering remission, she has become a certified yoga instructor, teaching five yoga classes each week. |
Busy Women Find Time for Self-Care
“I run mindfulness workshops in the community with a heavy focus on self-care.” ~ Jessica Corcoran (42), school psychologist “I take a jazz hip-hop class at my daughter’s dance studio. The recital was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” ~ Heather Dini (49), veterinary technician “For my birthday, I took a 90-minute salt-water float. I plan to do it again.” ~ Hannah Black, (39), elections commissioner “Since having my son three months ago, I continue to run and get my nails done, and I plan to start running in races once again soon.” ~ Karen Ferrara, 43, teacher “I do different things: swim, walk, do something fun at night with my husband, sleep in, etc. Whenever I feel like I’m ‘going under,’ I schedule a ‘rainbow’ - something to look forward to.” ~ Rivkie Borenstein, 42, nonprofit director & mom of 8 |
For me, self-care looks different depending on the day. On my busiest days, my version of self-care might be completing the latest New York Times crossword or working on Spelling Bee puzzles and Wordle games in 5-10 minute chunks throughout the day. On other days, I might read a chapter of a “just-for-fun” book on my phone. If I have an hour or two available, I might choose to take a nap. Whatever my self-care ends up resembling, however, one thing always holds true: I never regret taking the time to do it.
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RESOURCES:
Care for Yourself (CDC) Staying Active into Your Golden Years International Self-Care Foundation NIH Study Jill Valentino is an educator, freelance writer, essayist, tutor, and educational video and teaching materials creator. Her work has been published in Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Country Living, Elle Decor, House Beautiful, Woman's Day, and Hudson Valley Parent magazine. She is a regular contributor for Sanctuary.
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