Ask an Expert
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NOVEMBER 2023 TOPIC: The Other Side of Addiction: How Loved Ones are Affected
Dr. Geri-Lynn Utter, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist |
OUR EXPERT:
Dr. Geri-Lynn Utter, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with those struggling with co-occurring mental health concerns, such as trauma and drug addiction. Her expertise in the field of psychology has captured the attention of prevalent media outlets regionally and nationally, such as FOX Business, USA Today, MSN, Insider, Health.com, Bustle, Prevention, and Philadelphia Inquirer. Geri-Lynn’s motivation for choosing this field was personal. As a child, she frequently witnessed the familial turmoil and violence that arise from such issues. These experiences gave her a rare insight into how our life experiences and the way we see ourselves impact our mental health, both positively and negatively. In 2020, she released her first book Mainlining Philly: Survival, Hope and Resisting Drug Addiction (Literary House Publishers) to share her story with others. The book is based on the challenges she faced as a result of her parents’ struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, and other mental health concerns like major depressive disorder and severe anxiety. She released “Utter Nonsense” in 2023, a touching, informative, and very personal documentary based on Mainlining Philly. She is also the author of Aftershock: How Past Events Shake Up Your Life Today (Health Communications Inc.). Geri-Lynn lives in a Philadelphia suburb with her husband and two children. |
“I’m in a remote area, and I’m having trouble finding a family support group for loved ones of addicts. This is a substance abuse issue. Is there a specific online site you’d recommend or online groups I can join?” ~ B.K. (FL)
Thank you for your question, B.K. Given that you're in a remote area, it may be helpful to connect with Al Anon, as they have online or virtual meetings that you can to attend. You can also call SAMHSA’s national helpline. Explain where you are located, and they might be able to provide you with access to additional online or in-person services within a particular mile radius from your home. Additionally, if you have a medical provider, or general practitioner, with whom you receive treatment when needed, they might be able to provide additional resources that are closer to your physical address.
“What can parents of a child under 18 (someone who is addicted to illegal substances) do if their behaviors are starting to be abusive or they’re stealing to get what they need? Things are spiraling out of control, but we don’t want to kick her out of the house.” ~ Anonymous
I completely empathize with what you’re going through. It is not easy living in a constant state of stress and feelings of helplessness. I also grew up with family members who struggled with addiction and experienced its impact on my own family. Addiction is a family disease, and in this case, your child’s struggles are impacting your home and overall family dynamic. When I found myself in a similar situation, I reached out to a mental health professional to help me navigate my feelings, and they connected me with local resources to initiate appropriate services for my family member. If you and your family have insurance, a great place to start is calling your insurer and finding out which providers are covered in your network for both you and your child.
Al Anon is also an excellent peer support network for family members who have children and other loved ones struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. Through this network of people, you may also find resources that you and your family can tap into for guidance.
Lastly, if you or any other family members are in physical danger, please contact your local emergency services.
“My son’s drug addiction has affected my marriage. It’s the constant anguish and fear that have slowly damaged our relationship. Any advice for what we can do? We also have different ways of handling things. Do we need to show a united front?” ~ Anonymous
Addiction does not only affect the individual – it impacts the entire family. But you can take the first step, even if it may feel as though you and your partner have lost control. Working toward fostering open lines of communication with your spouse regarding how you are both feeling about the current situation is essential when faced with difficult circumstances. This is an important first step to addressing these issues as a family. If I had a patient in a similar situation, I would recommend they first seek individual therapy from a mental health professional, then find a provider who can see the patient and their spouse as a couple. Keep in mind that an individual therapist may be different from the couples’ therapist. I would also encourage each member of the couple to speak with an individual therapist because we all process our emotions differently, and that's okay. However, I would be mindful not to push or force my partner into therapy if they are not interested or ready to take this step, which is where healthy communication becomes very important.
A mental health professional will be able to guide you and your partner on how to effectively navigate the situation with your son. It may also be beneficial to begin looking for an online or in-person peer support group like Al Anon that you and your partner can attend. Al Anon is a peer support group for family members of those who are struggling with drug and alcohol addiction and is also a resource where you may find a network of people with whom you can relate to, those who understand what you and your family are going through.
Lastly, when looking for a mental health professional, it may be helpful to ask if they have experience in working with family members who have loved ones in active addiction. By asking these questions, you can feel confident that you are connecting with a professional who has sufficient expertise with your particular issue, and they may be able to connect you with other local resources.
“Is shopping and gambling addiction handled the same way as substance addictions? There seems to be fewer resources for these.” ~ Anonymous
Shopping and gambling addictions are process addictions. They refer to behavioral problems that involve a lessening of control, persistent seeking, and significant harm, even though no addictive substances are involved.
For shopping, gambling, food, sex, drug, and alcohol addictions the same areas of the brain are implicated. And those areas of the brain are the Limbic System and the Prefrontal Cortex. The Limbic System is responsible for helping to regulate your emotions, memories and arousal. Folks who struggle with addiction, of any kind, have an overstimulated Limbic System. In simple terms, the Limbic System remembers how good it initially made you feel when you gambled, shopped, or used drugs. And that memory is what leads folks to partake in these addictive behaviors again and again. The Limbic System is relentlessly searching for that "good feeling" or "high." Now, the Prefrontal Cortex is the part of the brain that is not fully developed until you hit your mid-20s. Ironically enough, it is also responsible for your decision-making, judgment, planning and organizing. And when we become addicted, the Prefrontal Cortex is downregulated. It pretty much stops working in any good capacity and takes a nap. This allows the Limbic System to run the show, and the Limbic System's job is to have you do anything and everything (for example: cheat, lie, steal manipulate, put your physical safety at risk, etc.) to feed your addiction to shopping, gambling, food, sex, drugs, alcohol etc.
As far as resources for gambling and shopping addictions please see the links below:
National Council on Problem Gambling
Gamblers Anonymous (search for resources by state)
Spenders Anonymous
Debtors Anonymous
Thank you for your question, B.K. Given that you're in a remote area, it may be helpful to connect with Al Anon, as they have online or virtual meetings that you can to attend. You can also call SAMHSA’s national helpline. Explain where you are located, and they might be able to provide you with access to additional online or in-person services within a particular mile radius from your home. Additionally, if you have a medical provider, or general practitioner, with whom you receive treatment when needed, they might be able to provide additional resources that are closer to your physical address.
“What can parents of a child under 18 (someone who is addicted to illegal substances) do if their behaviors are starting to be abusive or they’re stealing to get what they need? Things are spiraling out of control, but we don’t want to kick her out of the house.” ~ Anonymous
I completely empathize with what you’re going through. It is not easy living in a constant state of stress and feelings of helplessness. I also grew up with family members who struggled with addiction and experienced its impact on my own family. Addiction is a family disease, and in this case, your child’s struggles are impacting your home and overall family dynamic. When I found myself in a similar situation, I reached out to a mental health professional to help me navigate my feelings, and they connected me with local resources to initiate appropriate services for my family member. If you and your family have insurance, a great place to start is calling your insurer and finding out which providers are covered in your network for both you and your child.
Al Anon is also an excellent peer support network for family members who have children and other loved ones struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. Through this network of people, you may also find resources that you and your family can tap into for guidance.
Lastly, if you or any other family members are in physical danger, please contact your local emergency services.
“My son’s drug addiction has affected my marriage. It’s the constant anguish and fear that have slowly damaged our relationship. Any advice for what we can do? We also have different ways of handling things. Do we need to show a united front?” ~ Anonymous
Addiction does not only affect the individual – it impacts the entire family. But you can take the first step, even if it may feel as though you and your partner have lost control. Working toward fostering open lines of communication with your spouse regarding how you are both feeling about the current situation is essential when faced with difficult circumstances. This is an important first step to addressing these issues as a family. If I had a patient in a similar situation, I would recommend they first seek individual therapy from a mental health professional, then find a provider who can see the patient and their spouse as a couple. Keep in mind that an individual therapist may be different from the couples’ therapist. I would also encourage each member of the couple to speak with an individual therapist because we all process our emotions differently, and that's okay. However, I would be mindful not to push or force my partner into therapy if they are not interested or ready to take this step, which is where healthy communication becomes very important.
A mental health professional will be able to guide you and your partner on how to effectively navigate the situation with your son. It may also be beneficial to begin looking for an online or in-person peer support group like Al Anon that you and your partner can attend. Al Anon is a peer support group for family members of those who are struggling with drug and alcohol addiction and is also a resource where you may find a network of people with whom you can relate to, those who understand what you and your family are going through.
Lastly, when looking for a mental health professional, it may be helpful to ask if they have experience in working with family members who have loved ones in active addiction. By asking these questions, you can feel confident that you are connecting with a professional who has sufficient expertise with your particular issue, and they may be able to connect you with other local resources.
“Is shopping and gambling addiction handled the same way as substance addictions? There seems to be fewer resources for these.” ~ Anonymous
Shopping and gambling addictions are process addictions. They refer to behavioral problems that involve a lessening of control, persistent seeking, and significant harm, even though no addictive substances are involved.
For shopping, gambling, food, sex, drug, and alcohol addictions the same areas of the brain are implicated. And those areas of the brain are the Limbic System and the Prefrontal Cortex. The Limbic System is responsible for helping to regulate your emotions, memories and arousal. Folks who struggle with addiction, of any kind, have an overstimulated Limbic System. In simple terms, the Limbic System remembers how good it initially made you feel when you gambled, shopped, or used drugs. And that memory is what leads folks to partake in these addictive behaviors again and again. The Limbic System is relentlessly searching for that "good feeling" or "high." Now, the Prefrontal Cortex is the part of the brain that is not fully developed until you hit your mid-20s. Ironically enough, it is also responsible for your decision-making, judgment, planning and organizing. And when we become addicted, the Prefrontal Cortex is downregulated. It pretty much stops working in any good capacity and takes a nap. This allows the Limbic System to run the show, and the Limbic System's job is to have you do anything and everything (for example: cheat, lie, steal manipulate, put your physical safety at risk, etc.) to feed your addiction to shopping, gambling, food, sex, drugs, alcohol etc.
As far as resources for gambling and shopping addictions please see the links below:
National Council on Problem Gambling
Gamblers Anonymous (search for resources by state)
Spenders Anonymous
Debtors Anonymous
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