September 2018 Featured Interview |
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Interview with
Alissa Parker & Michele Gay
Founders of Safe and Sound Schools
Alissa Parker (left) & Michele Gay
(Photo Credit: Safe and Sound Schools)
(Photo Credit: Safe and Sound Schools)
About Alissa:
Alissa Parker is the mother of Emilie Parker, one of the 20 children who died tragically in the Sandy Hook School Shootings on December 14, 2012. In the wake of the tragedy, Alissa was moved to engage parents in securing the safety of their children’s school by becoming an active member of the Newtown Public Schools’ Safety Committee. Now, Alissa is a nationally-recognized advocate for school safety. She speaks at educational leadership events and appears on top news sources across the U.S.
Alissa graduated from Weber State University in her hometown of Ogden, Utah. She is a co-founder of Safe and Sound Schools. She also co-founded The Emilie Parker Art Connection, which gives to art programs for kids across the country. She is the author of the book, An Unseen Angel, a memoir of faith, hope and healing. Alissa brings a powerful perspective and passion to Safe and Sound Schools. She is devoted to creating a legacy of safety for our nation’s children in honor of her beloved Emilie.
About Michele:
Michele Gay is a mother, former teacher, and one of the founders of Safe and Sound Schools. After losing her daughter, Josephine Grace, on December 14, 2012, she chose to take action as an advocate for improved security and safety in our nation’s schools. Michele’s background as a teacher and involved parent, along with her personal loss and post-tragedy perspective, uniquely position her to help school communities prevent, prepare, respond and recover in the event of an emergency in their own schools. A nationally-recognized expert on school safety, Michele has shared her story and comprehensive school safety approach with educational leaders, public safety leaders, federal government officials, school communities, and top news media sources.
Michele holds a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education from Towson University and a master’s degree in curriculum and instruction from McDaniel College. She taught at the elementary level in Maryland and Virginia public schools before staying home to raise her three daughters and advocate for the special needs of her youngest daughter, Josephine. Michele is dedicated to honoring Josephine in her work to make schools in our country more safe and secure.
Alissa Parker is the mother of Emilie Parker, one of the 20 children who died tragically in the Sandy Hook School Shootings on December 14, 2012. In the wake of the tragedy, Alissa was moved to engage parents in securing the safety of their children’s school by becoming an active member of the Newtown Public Schools’ Safety Committee. Now, Alissa is a nationally-recognized advocate for school safety. She speaks at educational leadership events and appears on top news sources across the U.S.
Alissa graduated from Weber State University in her hometown of Ogden, Utah. She is a co-founder of Safe and Sound Schools. She also co-founded The Emilie Parker Art Connection, which gives to art programs for kids across the country. She is the author of the book, An Unseen Angel, a memoir of faith, hope and healing. Alissa brings a powerful perspective and passion to Safe and Sound Schools. She is devoted to creating a legacy of safety for our nation’s children in honor of her beloved Emilie.
About Michele:
Michele Gay is a mother, former teacher, and one of the founders of Safe and Sound Schools. After losing her daughter, Josephine Grace, on December 14, 2012, she chose to take action as an advocate for improved security and safety in our nation’s schools. Michele’s background as a teacher and involved parent, along with her personal loss and post-tragedy perspective, uniquely position her to help school communities prevent, prepare, respond and recover in the event of an emergency in their own schools. A nationally-recognized expert on school safety, Michele has shared her story and comprehensive school safety approach with educational leaders, public safety leaders, federal government officials, school communities, and top news media sources.
Michele holds a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education from Towson University and a master’s degree in curriculum and instruction from McDaniel College. She taught at the elementary level in Maryland and Virginia public schools before staying home to raise her three daughters and advocate for the special needs of her youngest daughter, Josephine. Michele is dedicated to honoring Josephine in her work to make schools in our country more safe and secure.
About Safe and Sound Schools:
Safe and Sound Schools is a nonprofit organization founded by mothers who lost their children during the tragic shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School. It is dedicated to providing parents and school communities the tools and resources necessary to ensure school safety. The mission of Safe and Sound Schools is to support school crisis prevention, response, and recovery, and to protect every school and every student, every day. "We have always - and only - focused on school safety. We are firm in our mission and firm in our resolve, and we will continue to provide research-based education, tools, and resources to ensure the safest possible learning environment for the youth of our nation."
Safe and Sound Schools is a nonprofit organization founded by mothers who lost their children during the tragic shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School. It is dedicated to providing parents and school communities the tools and resources necessary to ensure school safety. The mission of Safe and Sound Schools is to support school crisis prevention, response, and recovery, and to protect every school and every student, every day. "We have always - and only - focused on school safety. We are firm in our mission and firm in our resolve, and we will continue to provide research-based education, tools, and resources to ensure the safest possible learning environment for the youth of our nation."
Nancy Burger, senior editor, spoke with Michele and Alissa about their friendship, their shared mission and vision, and the impact they have seen their work have in the community.
Were you two friends before you created Safe and Sound Schools?
A: I did not know Michele beforehand, but my daughter Emilie knew her daughter Joey (Josephine) - they were really good friends in school. Joey was apraxic (she couldn’t speak), and Emilie just adored her. They would communicate the way they could, through notes and mimicking, and Emilie would come home and talk about Joey constantly. Joey's birthday was the week of the shooting, and her birthday party was supposed to be the day after the shooting (December 15th, 2012). Emilie was invited to the party.
I was new to the community and didn't know anyone, didn't have anyone's phone number or anyone to connect to. When the shooting happened, and I learned that Joey was one of the victims, I grabbed the birthday party invitation and I called Michele. We immediately connected and were very in line with each other. We're both pretty religious, and we connected on that level, in talking about our children and what they were going through. One of the first things I remember saying to her was, "I'm so sorry, Joey's birthday party was supposed to be today, and I'm so sorry for you." She said, "You know, they are having the most amazing birthday party in heaven." And that really blew me away in that moment. I was so in shock and angry and frustrated, and she kind of jolted me with that comment and put this whole different spin on what had just happened. We became sisters through all of this. We would have calls and talk about the things we learned from the shooting - we had this common line of thought every time that centered around school safety. That's where the passion blossomed and ultimately led us to want to do something together.
M: We officially started Safe and Sound Schools six months after the tragedy, but Alissa and I came together because of our girls' friendship and bond. The two of us were hungry for treasured memories and stories. I was dying to hear the things Emilie would say about Joey. We were coming together to heal, but naturally a lot of our conversations were about surviving and about things that were concerning us. The big one was: ‘Are you going to send your kids back to school? ‘I think that's what started these conversations, about how there had to be a better way to do this, how our pain had to be put to purpose. I think that - in and of itself - helped us move forward and build what we have now.
I lived in Sandy Hook for eight years and still spend a lot of time there. I have always been touched by the many “Choose Love” signs displayed around town. Your collective mission, born out of tragedy, seems very aligned with that positive message. How have you both been able to focus on empowerment and positive change in the wake of such devastation?
A: One of the things we both have said is that this mission really chose Michele and me. Even though it was all new to us, and we have had a huge learning curve, we feel like it flowed naturally. We felt like we were being called to do this.
M: The “Choose Love” signs are part of one of our other very dear family members, Scarlett Lewis, who lost her son Jesse. We're very close and support each other in our missions to work toward school safety.
Safe and Sound Schools seems to be built on a solid foundation of support in the way of experts, advisors and sponsors. How has it grown over the years, and do you feel that communities are taking advantage of what you have to offer?
Were you two friends before you created Safe and Sound Schools?
A: I did not know Michele beforehand, but my daughter Emilie knew her daughter Joey (Josephine) - they were really good friends in school. Joey was apraxic (she couldn’t speak), and Emilie just adored her. They would communicate the way they could, through notes and mimicking, and Emilie would come home and talk about Joey constantly. Joey's birthday was the week of the shooting, and her birthday party was supposed to be the day after the shooting (December 15th, 2012). Emilie was invited to the party.
I was new to the community and didn't know anyone, didn't have anyone's phone number or anyone to connect to. When the shooting happened, and I learned that Joey was one of the victims, I grabbed the birthday party invitation and I called Michele. We immediately connected and were very in line with each other. We're both pretty religious, and we connected on that level, in talking about our children and what they were going through. One of the first things I remember saying to her was, "I'm so sorry, Joey's birthday party was supposed to be today, and I'm so sorry for you." She said, "You know, they are having the most amazing birthday party in heaven." And that really blew me away in that moment. I was so in shock and angry and frustrated, and she kind of jolted me with that comment and put this whole different spin on what had just happened. We became sisters through all of this. We would have calls and talk about the things we learned from the shooting - we had this common line of thought every time that centered around school safety. That's where the passion blossomed and ultimately led us to want to do something together.
M: We officially started Safe and Sound Schools six months after the tragedy, but Alissa and I came together because of our girls' friendship and bond. The two of us were hungry for treasured memories and stories. I was dying to hear the things Emilie would say about Joey. We were coming together to heal, but naturally a lot of our conversations were about surviving and about things that were concerning us. The big one was: ‘Are you going to send your kids back to school? ‘I think that's what started these conversations, about how there had to be a better way to do this, how our pain had to be put to purpose. I think that - in and of itself - helped us move forward and build what we have now.
I lived in Sandy Hook for eight years and still spend a lot of time there. I have always been touched by the many “Choose Love” signs displayed around town. Your collective mission, born out of tragedy, seems very aligned with that positive message. How have you both been able to focus on empowerment and positive change in the wake of such devastation?
A: One of the things we both have said is that this mission really chose Michele and me. Even though it was all new to us, and we have had a huge learning curve, we feel like it flowed naturally. We felt like we were being called to do this.
M: The “Choose Love” signs are part of one of our other very dear family members, Scarlett Lewis, who lost her son Jesse. We're very close and support each other in our missions to work toward school safety.
Safe and Sound Schools seems to be built on a solid foundation of support in the way of experts, advisors and sponsors. How has it grown over the years, and do you feel that communities are taking advantage of what you have to offer?
M: Alissa and I came together with a calling because someone needed to speak up about the practical things, about what was needed for school safety. We started reaching out to experts in all aspects of school safety, security, and mental health. We really wanted to bring it all together. But I was nervous reaching out to law enforcement people and security professionals because this was all new to me, but the response was amazing. We had no idea how others perceived us at that point and time. They opened up their life's work, their experience, and helped guide us in assembling our first real product, our Straight A Safety Tool Kit.
We wanted to get some resources for community members to wrap their arms around. It was a perfect marriage for us because we were just stepping into this world, but we have colleagues who have been doing this for decades. We're the bridge to bring that expert knowledge to the average mom, student, teacher or community member. It was oddly immediate. We just asked, and they said, 'We get it. We love what you're doing.' They loved that it wasn't political, that there was no blaming or finger-pointing. It's just about getting good information and best practices to the people who need it. |
Michele (center) & Alissa (right) discuss school safety.
(Photo Credit: Safe and Sound Schools) |
The FAQ section of the website includes some very provocative questions regarding issues such as gun control, armed security officers in schools and other sensitive subjects. What comes through clearly is that this organization is non-partisan and focuses on the unique needs of different schools. Do you find it difficult to maintain a neutral position?
M: From early on, both of us were very aligned in our values and our faith. That enabled us to come pretty quickly to how we wanted to move forward and how we didn't want to move forward. It was immediate - how our tragedy was politicized and how quickly finger-pointing started. There was some power grabbing and an uglier side of tragedy that we were being exposed to, but we wanted to be guided by our girls and choose the best way to honor them. I think we saw that together, and we also knew we wanted to do something very different from some of the other things that were coming out of our tragedy.
A: I think our approach also opened a lot of doors for us and widened our audience because anyone could listen to our message and anyone could join our cause. That was very important to us from the beginning, that what we were saying should be something anyone could get on board with. We wanted to ensure that everyone knew that.
M: From early on, both of us were very aligned in our values and our faith. That enabled us to come pretty quickly to how we wanted to move forward and how we didn't want to move forward. It was immediate - how our tragedy was politicized and how quickly finger-pointing started. There was some power grabbing and an uglier side of tragedy that we were being exposed to, but we wanted to be guided by our girls and choose the best way to honor them. I think we saw that together, and we also knew we wanted to do something very different from some of the other things that were coming out of our tragedy.
A: I think our approach also opened a lot of doors for us and widened our audience because anyone could listen to our message and anyone could join our cause. That was very important to us from the beginning, that what we were saying should be something anyone could get on board with. We wanted to ensure that everyone knew that.
Both Alissa (left) & Michele (right) speak at school communities across the U.S.
(Photo Credit: Safe and Sound Schools) |
Are you both doing a lot of speaking engagements around the country?
A: It's crazy. Yes, Michele and I both are speaking quite a bit. We try to divide and conquer as much as possible, but we're all over the place. I'm in Washington State, and Michele is literally across the country from me. We rarely get to see each other, but we speak often. One of things that is so unique about my relationship with Michele is that our families are such a high priority for both of us. When we were grieving together, we developed this kind of system where, when one of us was struggling and needed some time, the other one would take the reigns for a little bit. Because we had that understanding and appreciation for what the other one was going through, we have a really unique relationship. I would never have been able to do this with anyone else. M: Alissa and I are both in this full on. As challenging as it is, the culture of our organization is that the work day kind of folds into our family lives as well. So, it isn't a nine-to-five job - it’s a job that is happening all day long, but we tend to our families and also tend to this labor of love. |
Do you feel like you’re making a difference?
M: I do. As humble as the two of us like to be, our incredible team and these school communities across the country are constantly sharing with us about their successes and reaching out to us for more. Because of that and because of the demand, I feel a lot of forward motion.
A: We've seen all the things we've been saying from the get-go about changing the status quo become common, and there's a new status quo. To me, that is the victory. We have raised the bar and created a new standard, and that signifies to me that what we're doing is not in vain, that these schools are paying attention and changing their expectations and understanding of what they need to do to make sure their kids are safe.
Has this work been healing for you? Does the fact that you're doing it together make it more so?
M: I would agree. I never would have done this without Alissa. I just felt a kind of strength from talking with her and planning with her that I would never have had on my own. But the way that we've grown together has been a huge part of the healing process for me.
A: Yes, absolutely.
What do you think are some of the biggest impediments we face on the path toward safer schools for our children?
A: I would say just getting people's attention to talk about it and prioritize it. I wish that the mainstream media paid more attention to actual solutions that have shown through time to be effective. Instead of being divisive, we need to come together and do things that are productive.
M: I agree. I think there are always going to be barriers to change and, while we've seen enormous cultural change in terms of school safety and the level of conversation around the country, there are plenty of places that are still in that "not here" mentality. There are a lot of roadblocks because people think they'll instill fear by starting the conversation, or they don't have time or money to start the process. Those are all solvable problems, but the only way to make any headway against those barriers is to do it collaboratively. I think that's something unique that we bring to the table, inspired by our girls. They were really gifted at bringing people together. They were little lights in the world, and I think that shines through in what we do. We bring people to the table to have difficult conversations.
Where’s your sanctuary (this is something we ask every interview. It could be a person, place, hobby, passion, dream, etc.)?
M: For me, faith is at the center of it all. Faith and my family are the center of every bit of sanctuary I have in this world, for sure.
A: I would say the same. I fill up my tank when I'm with my family. My only addition would be while I'm out running by myself - that's my little sanctuary. I can be alone in my thoughts and check in with myself and see how my self-care is going in order to be the best mom I can be.
M: I do. As humble as the two of us like to be, our incredible team and these school communities across the country are constantly sharing with us about their successes and reaching out to us for more. Because of that and because of the demand, I feel a lot of forward motion.
A: We've seen all the things we've been saying from the get-go about changing the status quo become common, and there's a new status quo. To me, that is the victory. We have raised the bar and created a new standard, and that signifies to me that what we're doing is not in vain, that these schools are paying attention and changing their expectations and understanding of what they need to do to make sure their kids are safe.
Has this work been healing for you? Does the fact that you're doing it together make it more so?
M: I would agree. I never would have done this without Alissa. I just felt a kind of strength from talking with her and planning with her that I would never have had on my own. But the way that we've grown together has been a huge part of the healing process for me.
A: Yes, absolutely.
What do you think are some of the biggest impediments we face on the path toward safer schools for our children?
A: I would say just getting people's attention to talk about it and prioritize it. I wish that the mainstream media paid more attention to actual solutions that have shown through time to be effective. Instead of being divisive, we need to come together and do things that are productive.
M: I agree. I think there are always going to be barriers to change and, while we've seen enormous cultural change in terms of school safety and the level of conversation around the country, there are plenty of places that are still in that "not here" mentality. There are a lot of roadblocks because people think they'll instill fear by starting the conversation, or they don't have time or money to start the process. Those are all solvable problems, but the only way to make any headway against those barriers is to do it collaboratively. I think that's something unique that we bring to the table, inspired by our girls. They were really gifted at bringing people together. They were little lights in the world, and I think that shines through in what we do. We bring people to the table to have difficult conversations.
Where’s your sanctuary (this is something we ask every interview. It could be a person, place, hobby, passion, dream, etc.)?
M: For me, faith is at the center of it all. Faith and my family are the center of every bit of sanctuary I have in this world, for sure.
A: I would say the same. I fill up my tank when I'm with my family. My only addition would be while I'm out running by myself - that's my little sanctuary. I can be alone in my thoughts and check in with myself and see how my self-care is going in order to be the best mom I can be.