Ask an Expert
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JANUARY 2021 TOPIC: Looking on the Bright Side while Navigating Difficult Circumstances
Marisa Moeller, Ph.D.
Owner of The Alternative Therapists Partnership |
OUR EXPERT:
Marisa Moeller, Ph.D., is the owner of The Alternative Therapists Partnership, Inc. which offers a number of specialized holistic healing modalities. Marisa holds master’s degrees in English and psychology and a Ph.D. in psychology. She is a Reiki Master and holistic health therapist and is certified in several areas, including creative and expressive arts therapy, clinical hypnotherapy, and professional and life coaching. Marisa is also very involved in her community. She served as a Girl Scout Leader for 15 years and is a regular volunteer for Barrett Art Center in Poughkeepsie, NY. She has also served as an Expressive and Creative Arts Critiquer for Fledgling Arts Collective. Currently, she sits on the Board of WomensWork.art. She loves to read, write, travel, collect antiques and recreate just about any creative project she sees. Marisa resides in Amenia, NY with her husband, daughter and houseful of animals. Find Marisa's advice for these previous topics: Dealing with Grief (2019) Dealing with Life's Transitions (2018) |
"I've heard lots of advice from the 'experts,' but I never know where to start. This makes me frustrated and anxious. So, I wind up doing nothing - I'm immobilized without a plan." ~ Loree (NY)
Hi Loree,
I understand that you’re frustrated. Let’s focus on how you can overcome these feelings, or at the very least, how to proceed in spite of these feelings.
The first thing I like to tell those I chat with is that we definitely need to throw out the ‘negatives’ in our vocabulary! Once we no longer use these negative words to label our day, our week, our year, our lives, and ourselves, everything is possible!
With practice, we can begin to take baby steps towards focusing on all that is positive in our lives. That is not to say that we are never going to feel fear again. In fact, it is important to acknowledge that fears may often linger in the background. Just because those fears linger in the background, does not mean we are incapacitated. Acknowledging that they still may exist often gives us the impetus that is needed to move forward.
We all need to get in the habit of no longer using these negative terms. We acknowledge that we may still find fears lingering in the background. How do we proceed? One very important thing to do is to practice self-care. This means we must put ourselves first - not to the detriment of others, but for the good of all concerned. If we do not put ourselves first, we cannot possibly expect to help ourselves or those around us.
To that end, take a long, hot soak in a bubble bath once or twice a week. Sit down with a warm herbal tea and begin to read a good book. Relax and watch a favorite movie that you haven’t seen in a long time. Meditate each morning and evening for about 15 to 20 minutes.
You may be saying to yourself right now, “I have no time for any of this!” Perhaps then, just soaking your feet in a wonderfully warm soapy water-filled basin will relax and calm you. As a lovely extra, add some essential oils to the water. You can always read another chapter in that book you started or pop in a movie to watch. It will make your experience more special.
Next, concentrate on getting one thing done each day. What needs to be done? What do you have time to do? What have you already done? It can be something as simple as doing a load of laundry or cleaning out a neglected hall closet. Remember, concentrating on what you can control and accomplish provides satisfaction.
It's important to also stay in touch with family, friends, and neighbors. We often get so deeply involved with our own lives and our daily activities that we forget to make contact with those we care about.
It’s so easy to make contact with others due to modern technology. In these days of ‘social distancing,’ we can still 'see' each other and chat about anything our hearts desire. Contact a sibling or cousin via video communication to check on that special ingredient your aunt added to her stew!
Of course, these are just a few of the many things you can do to begin moving forward while stepping away from stress and anxiety. Try one or two of these techniques today. Always remember, if you need help getting started, we are just a phone call away!
“What do you recommend for bouts of anxiety? I try to look on the bright side, but with the uncertainty due to the pandemic, it’s really hard. I’ve been trying to meditate with deep breathing once a day. I feel better in the short term, but then I’ll be anxious again later that day.” ~ Angela (FL)
Hi Angela,
Currently, our World appears different, unusual, adverse - even dangerous. Feelings of both stress and anxiety are commonplace as a result. The key here is what to do with that stress and anxiety. How can we handle the stress and anxiety so that it does not take hold of us, especially when adversity may be ongoing?
You mentioned that you already meditate and use deep breathing exercises at least once a day. I suggest you try some Mindful Movement exercises as well. This can be in the form of yoga or Tai Chi. Simple, focused stretching can work wonders on your muscles and can help to clear your mind at the same time.
In addition, you can combine some progressive muscle relaxation work to really relieve tension. In progressive muscle relaxation, each group of muscles are tensed as you breathe in and relaxed as you breathe out. Each muscle group is worked in a certain order. With a bit of practice, one’s body quickly enters a state of physical relaxation. This, in turn, promotes the release of stress. When the body is relaxed and stress is released, we cannot feel anxious. In other words, by bringing our bodies back to a place of relaxation each time, we break the cycle of stress and anxiety.
Practicing these techniques on a daily basis enables us to manage our anxiety levels throughout the day. Staying physically active a few times a week, while incorporating the techniques mentioned, does indeed make a positive impact on both our physical and mental health.
“It’s difficult to look on the bright side when so many things have gone wrong. How do you pick yourself up if you feel like you have nothing to look forward to?” ~ Anonymous
Hi Anonymous,
You mention that it is difficult to look on the bright side when so many things have gone wrong and that you have ‘nothing to look forward to.’ Rest assured, that your purpose, your goals and your vision of an ideal life are still very much within reach!
While you may feel that it is going to be difficult to recover the ‘sparkle’ your life once had, there are some specific behaviors you can employ to get yourself back on track. First, sit down and create your own ‘Happy List.’ List all the things that make you happy. This can be anything from listening to your favorite song to eating your favorite piece of cake. Your list is only as large and inclusive as you make it.
Next, start with the small things. Make sure you have something to look forward each day and evening - something that will put a smile on your face. This could be making your favorite meal or chatting on the phone with your best friend.
In addition, challenge yourself by stepping out of your comfort zone. Set a task for yourself that you wouldn’t normally think to do. It could be something as simple as asking a neighbor if she needs something from the store when you go out. You could check on an elderly relative by phone to see if he/she needs help with anything or bake a few extra muffins and leave them at a friend’s door. When you spend your days in a meaningful way, you immediately feel more productive.
Make your calendar one of our closest friends! Whether you use an electronic format or the ‘old school’ paper version, you can create and record all the things that are important to you – a visual reminder of all that is on the horizon.
For instance, you can record an ice cream sundae night or an afternoon to binge-watch reruns of a favorite show. You can also record birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions that family, loved ones and friends have coming up – then send a ‘shout-out’ via phone, text, social media or video methods. Sending a ‘GIF’ to acknowledge an event is always nice as well.
Conveying thoughtfulness, caring and love for ourselves and others is always a positive energy booster!
“How do we help our children and teens who are dealing with stress because of all this uncertainty?" ~ Susan (SC)
Hi Susan,
Helping our children and teens to cope with the stress they feel during these times of uncertainty is definitely a balancing act. As parents and caregivers, we have to make sure we adopt and model healthy habits and coping skills. Next, we should make ourselves available to honestly discuss appropriate problems and stressful situations that we have personally experienced. In addition, there are a few behaviors we can make sure our children and teens practice.
The first thing is to make sure that sleep is a priority. It is essential for everyone’s physical and emotional well-being. According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, children 6 to 12 years old need 9 to 12 hours of sleep each night. Teens aged 13 to 18, need about 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night.
Physical activity is imperative. Both children and teens need to get moving. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, children ages 6 to 17 need approximately 60 minutes of activity daily.
Make sure to spend some time outside as well. Take a walk in the woods, a short hike up a hilly landscape, or a bike ride to a local park.
Balance both fun times and quiet times. Let your children and teens have that special time to wind down and relax. Allow them time to look through a comic book, draw a picture, or take time to rest. Allowing quiet time can often relieve some of their stress and improve their overall well-being.
Be ready to combat negative thinking by reversing negative thoughts to positive ones. Ask them to provide evidence of what makes them believe their statement to be a negative one or a positive one. By helping our children and teens learn to process their thoughts in a positive way, we are teaching them resilience over stress.
The main thing is to be flexible during these times. Give them extra time and attention when needed. Stick to regular routines and schedules as much as possible, but create new routines and schedules if needed. Explain what is going on when asked and provide factual information as it becomes available.
Support is vital to our children’s and teen's stability - in every aspect of their lives. It is essential for their recovery from traumatic events and crucial for their survival through challenging times.
Hi Loree,
I understand that you’re frustrated. Let’s focus on how you can overcome these feelings, or at the very least, how to proceed in spite of these feelings.
The first thing I like to tell those I chat with is that we definitely need to throw out the ‘negatives’ in our vocabulary! Once we no longer use these negative words to label our day, our week, our year, our lives, and ourselves, everything is possible!
With practice, we can begin to take baby steps towards focusing on all that is positive in our lives. That is not to say that we are never going to feel fear again. In fact, it is important to acknowledge that fears may often linger in the background. Just because those fears linger in the background, does not mean we are incapacitated. Acknowledging that they still may exist often gives us the impetus that is needed to move forward.
We all need to get in the habit of no longer using these negative terms. We acknowledge that we may still find fears lingering in the background. How do we proceed? One very important thing to do is to practice self-care. This means we must put ourselves first - not to the detriment of others, but for the good of all concerned. If we do not put ourselves first, we cannot possibly expect to help ourselves or those around us.
To that end, take a long, hot soak in a bubble bath once or twice a week. Sit down with a warm herbal tea and begin to read a good book. Relax and watch a favorite movie that you haven’t seen in a long time. Meditate each morning and evening for about 15 to 20 minutes.
You may be saying to yourself right now, “I have no time for any of this!” Perhaps then, just soaking your feet in a wonderfully warm soapy water-filled basin will relax and calm you. As a lovely extra, add some essential oils to the water. You can always read another chapter in that book you started or pop in a movie to watch. It will make your experience more special.
Next, concentrate on getting one thing done each day. What needs to be done? What do you have time to do? What have you already done? It can be something as simple as doing a load of laundry or cleaning out a neglected hall closet. Remember, concentrating on what you can control and accomplish provides satisfaction.
It's important to also stay in touch with family, friends, and neighbors. We often get so deeply involved with our own lives and our daily activities that we forget to make contact with those we care about.
It’s so easy to make contact with others due to modern technology. In these days of ‘social distancing,’ we can still 'see' each other and chat about anything our hearts desire. Contact a sibling or cousin via video communication to check on that special ingredient your aunt added to her stew!
Of course, these are just a few of the many things you can do to begin moving forward while stepping away from stress and anxiety. Try one or two of these techniques today. Always remember, if you need help getting started, we are just a phone call away!
“What do you recommend for bouts of anxiety? I try to look on the bright side, but with the uncertainty due to the pandemic, it’s really hard. I’ve been trying to meditate with deep breathing once a day. I feel better in the short term, but then I’ll be anxious again later that day.” ~ Angela (FL)
Hi Angela,
Currently, our World appears different, unusual, adverse - even dangerous. Feelings of both stress and anxiety are commonplace as a result. The key here is what to do with that stress and anxiety. How can we handle the stress and anxiety so that it does not take hold of us, especially when adversity may be ongoing?
You mentioned that you already meditate and use deep breathing exercises at least once a day. I suggest you try some Mindful Movement exercises as well. This can be in the form of yoga or Tai Chi. Simple, focused stretching can work wonders on your muscles and can help to clear your mind at the same time.
In addition, you can combine some progressive muscle relaxation work to really relieve tension. In progressive muscle relaxation, each group of muscles are tensed as you breathe in and relaxed as you breathe out. Each muscle group is worked in a certain order. With a bit of practice, one’s body quickly enters a state of physical relaxation. This, in turn, promotes the release of stress. When the body is relaxed and stress is released, we cannot feel anxious. In other words, by bringing our bodies back to a place of relaxation each time, we break the cycle of stress and anxiety.
Practicing these techniques on a daily basis enables us to manage our anxiety levels throughout the day. Staying physically active a few times a week, while incorporating the techniques mentioned, does indeed make a positive impact on both our physical and mental health.
“It’s difficult to look on the bright side when so many things have gone wrong. How do you pick yourself up if you feel like you have nothing to look forward to?” ~ Anonymous
Hi Anonymous,
You mention that it is difficult to look on the bright side when so many things have gone wrong and that you have ‘nothing to look forward to.’ Rest assured, that your purpose, your goals and your vision of an ideal life are still very much within reach!
While you may feel that it is going to be difficult to recover the ‘sparkle’ your life once had, there are some specific behaviors you can employ to get yourself back on track. First, sit down and create your own ‘Happy List.’ List all the things that make you happy. This can be anything from listening to your favorite song to eating your favorite piece of cake. Your list is only as large and inclusive as you make it.
Next, start with the small things. Make sure you have something to look forward each day and evening - something that will put a smile on your face. This could be making your favorite meal or chatting on the phone with your best friend.
In addition, challenge yourself by stepping out of your comfort zone. Set a task for yourself that you wouldn’t normally think to do. It could be something as simple as asking a neighbor if she needs something from the store when you go out. You could check on an elderly relative by phone to see if he/she needs help with anything or bake a few extra muffins and leave them at a friend’s door. When you spend your days in a meaningful way, you immediately feel more productive.
Make your calendar one of our closest friends! Whether you use an electronic format or the ‘old school’ paper version, you can create and record all the things that are important to you – a visual reminder of all that is on the horizon.
For instance, you can record an ice cream sundae night or an afternoon to binge-watch reruns of a favorite show. You can also record birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions that family, loved ones and friends have coming up – then send a ‘shout-out’ via phone, text, social media or video methods. Sending a ‘GIF’ to acknowledge an event is always nice as well.
Conveying thoughtfulness, caring and love for ourselves and others is always a positive energy booster!
“How do we help our children and teens who are dealing with stress because of all this uncertainty?" ~ Susan (SC)
Hi Susan,
Helping our children and teens to cope with the stress they feel during these times of uncertainty is definitely a balancing act. As parents and caregivers, we have to make sure we adopt and model healthy habits and coping skills. Next, we should make ourselves available to honestly discuss appropriate problems and stressful situations that we have personally experienced. In addition, there are a few behaviors we can make sure our children and teens practice.
The first thing is to make sure that sleep is a priority. It is essential for everyone’s physical and emotional well-being. According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, children 6 to 12 years old need 9 to 12 hours of sleep each night. Teens aged 13 to 18, need about 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night.
Physical activity is imperative. Both children and teens need to get moving. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, children ages 6 to 17 need approximately 60 minutes of activity daily.
Make sure to spend some time outside as well. Take a walk in the woods, a short hike up a hilly landscape, or a bike ride to a local park.
Balance both fun times and quiet times. Let your children and teens have that special time to wind down and relax. Allow them time to look through a comic book, draw a picture, or take time to rest. Allowing quiet time can often relieve some of their stress and improve their overall well-being.
Be ready to combat negative thinking by reversing negative thoughts to positive ones. Ask them to provide evidence of what makes them believe their statement to be a negative one or a positive one. By helping our children and teens learn to process their thoughts in a positive way, we are teaching them resilience over stress.
The main thing is to be flexible during these times. Give them extra time and attention when needed. Stick to regular routines and schedules as much as possible, but create new routines and schedules if needed. Explain what is going on when asked and provide factual information as it becomes available.
Support is vital to our children’s and teen's stability - in every aspect of their lives. It is essential for their recovery from traumatic events and crucial for their survival through challenging times.
Disclaimer: The advice posted here is for general information purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for seeking medical and/or psychological advice from your personal, licensed healthcare provider.